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Our writers are the bedrock of our company and without them, we might as well get out of business. Therefore as a cost, deprivation of liberty for them is necessary and fair enough. Never would culprits do self-examination until facing the restriction of freedom. In my opinion, some potential culprits would actually commit a crime, if there is no imprisonment at all. Sending pretty criminals to work can be more effective though. On the one side, forcing lawbreakers to labor, technically speaking is another way to deprive their liberty.
That is, even though they hate their work, they have to do it. So restriction on them is not less than incarceration in this sense. For instance, residents could buy something these people make for free, and enjoy the cleaning of streets that light lawbreakers have swept. In a broaden perspective, using the identical criteria to treat different types of lawbreakers is unjustified.
There should be distinction in my view. Besides, since pretty criminals are comparatively less dangerous to society, letting them out to work would concern public little. To conclude, imprisonment is an indispensable form of penalty. Imprisonment is the most popular major penalty for offenders in many countries in the world.
Their disruptive behaviors harm the social stability, for examples, they might inflict economic damage or even destroy families. Therefore as a cost , deprivation of their liberty for them is necessary and fair enough. Obviously , Sending pretty criminals to work can be more effective though punishment. I think your essay is well-organized and easy to read, which is your advantage. However, I just want to mention a few points:.
For example, "work" should have no "s" ending. The word "some actions" is quite vague, so it should be more specific. However, you only mention the side you agree with. Why some people like to put criminals to prison? Maybe it will be better to write " There are several advantages of forcing criminals to get involved in community work instead of sending them to prisons". Thanks to Nick, Rose, Alison and Tommy for the fantastic job. Overall it has some good ideas and it's organized, but the conclusion should be shorter and Paragraph 2 the first paragraph in the body could be longer and have a better topic sentence.
Rose said Nick's essay had many long sentences - the average is Perhaps removing some of the longer ones in the conclusion will help along with simplifying some ideas. I also agree with her suggestion of using some linking words such as 'therefore,' and 'moreover.
Anufrancis, like me, was also confused by your topic for Paragraph 2. A better topic sentence here would have helped. She also wasn't happy with the link to the idea of rehabilitation in Paragraph 3. Many people are worried that allowing dangerous criminals to do community service will be a threat. OR Many people think that community service is too lenient a punishment for major crimes. These are obviously two different ideas - it depends on the rest of your paragraph. Perhaps a sentence like this might work as a topic sentence for Paragraph Community service can help to rehabilitate prisoners.
Rose then wrote her essay on the topic. I really like it. It's much simpler than Nick's and easier to read - maybe because of those linking words, even though the average sentence length is longer, at 16 words.
Rose's essay has a different layout to Nick's, with two body paragraphs both in favour of alternatives to prison. Tommy wondered why you didn't deal with both sides. Many IELTS candidates worry about this - I am always happy to see good writing, and less worried about trying to get the perfect format. Others, however, think that there are better alternatives for example, being made to do work which benefits the local community for these whose crime are minor.
Have a look at Gilbert's essay for an example. There's a lot in Rose's third paragraph - you have suggested dealing with the causes of poverty, so this might be going off-topic a little, even though I agree with you completely. But overall I really like the style and simplicity. Tommy Bui suggests that maybe you should have mentioned the word from the question 'community service' in the intro, and he's right: See my suggested topic sentences above.
It's longer and has lots of examples. Alison or her spell-checker made one tiny mistake which I really like: It's a nice idea, and I definitely agree with keeping the ugly ones in prison! OK, I know it's just a typo for 'petty'! Rose then asked if it's OK to use questions.
Yes, I think it's absolutely fine. Don't worry about doing it once or maybe even twice in an essay, but don't overdo it. It can be very effective. Take ex-convicts for example: In my view, I believe that both sides have their own pros and cons, but people need to implement adequate steps for the good of the public. Again, thanks to you all and imagine what would happen if you were all in the same face-to-face class! I'm going to pin this essay to the top of the forum for a few days to show what working together means!
However, others think it is better to let some of lawbreakers with a minor crime to do social works. In this essay, I will discuss both of these views and examine the advantages and disadvantages of both ideas. Everybody knows that the punishment should be coordinate with the crime. It is something inevitable to let a person who convicted of murdering live in society freely. Therefore we have to keep them in jail, as this kind of person is hazardous for society and maybe commit another crime.
It is obvious; there is a difference between who committed a crime deliberately and someone who did it unintentionally. So we cannot put them in one category. But in the other hand, there are many criminals with minor crimes. We can make use of this kind. While keeping them in jail imposes society to expend money, we can make a plan to return these costs.
For example they can produce something or they can do some social works with lower salary as their punishment. But they have to work under hard supervision and threat them to revoke their privilege if they make mistakes. In conclusion, I believe that it is essential to let criminals to work and even teach them some skills. Maybe they did wrong thing in past for these lacks. If they had some skills, they would have different lives. Every one who breaks the law should be punished. However the modes in which they are punished vary from one country to another.
Imprisonment is the highest penalty given to those who commit quite a big crime, in most of the countries. I would consider that it is an absolutely unjustified act to punish even the petty criminals in the same way. First, the criminals who commit major crime are more vulnerable to the society. Imprisonment is the best sort of punishment to them. On the contrary, if petty criminals are sentenced in the similar manner, there is higher probability for them to get deviated from the right path.
Besides this, this sort of punishment can even make people lazy, as they then to get food and shelter without paying anything. Therefore it is advisable to keep those petty offenders away from other prisoners. In addition to this, involving them in social activities would cause benefit in various aspects such as the concerned individual, the local people and the government.
It is advisable, that the government should provide them some authentication for their work and also some incentives. This will help them not only to get a god job, but will improve their self respect.
This will reduce the crime to much greater extent, as unemployment and poverty are the prime factors leading to crime. To conclude, I would like to go in favour of involving petty criminals in social works rather than keeping them imprisoned, so as to benefit the entire society. Thanks for your comments. However, I think in the question type which requires us to "Discuss both view", we should demonstrate both sides with similar amount for each. I knew this information from my previous Ielts teacher as well as one popular Ielts examiner in the UK.
Here is the information that I found:. So I understand that the question which requires us to "discuss both sides" is the second type. The advantage of sending the entire law breaker into prison is to punish them on their mistake which had done. Besides that, it is also teach them a lesson and alert to the public that punishment to be taken once someone had against the law. For example, the criminal such as raping a women or a girl where the victim are badly harmed on physically and mentally.
Those criminal should sent to prison in order to get punishment on their criminal and also alert to public. In addition, prison not only uses to punish the law breaker but also as rehabilitate the law breaker. They will try to help an inmate which has higher chance for reentering the society upon release. This is because some of the law breakers are usually lack of education and unable to get survive by them and happen criminal such as roped and stole.
Moreover, sending the law breakers to the prison will make the public become more safety and also reduce the criminal rate in society. Recently, the criminals of killing person are very serious in our society. If the individual do not receive prison time, the repeated crime will grows exponentially. Besides that, all law breakers commit crimes of the different degree of seriousness. For serious criminal such as killing someone purposely will not only sending to prison but also will treat as death penalty.
Therefore, punishment to be taken according to the seriousness of the person had done against the legal law.
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